Birthday :)

Yesterday was my birthday. Not much of a big deal, 'cause it was just like just any other ordinary day. (Emo? Haha) But, yesterday was one of the most meaningful birthdays I ever had. I realized A LOT of things.. Things that you just can't brush off anymore.

Kkwento ko muna how my day went before those things I realized. HAHA. You can skip this part if you want. :))

[ YOU CAN SKIP FROM HERE ]

T H U R S D A Y
I had a post birthday celebration with some of my friends (Sandy, Rella, Dar, Kim). I couldn't invite more people cause I didn't have much budget. Pulubi pfoez! :)) Anyway, we had lunch at Shakey's España. We were supposed to be there at 12, kaso NAPAKABAGAL MALIGO ni Dar at Kim. 3PM class ko, and our prof locks the door at exactly 3:15, so we had to leave early. Anyway, the lunch was fun. Yay for food. Food is always fun, haha! I also had free ice cream, thank you Shakey's! I didn't know they give free ice cream to birthday celebrants. Coool. :P Thanks guyss for spending your afternoon with me. It really mad me happy. I was AWFULLY quiet, (sorry) but I was really happy. :)) Swear. Haha.

Sandy also gave me 2 Joshua Harris Books: I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl -- THANK YOUU BEBEGURRLLLL :* Huhuhu gusto ko na talaga basahin to e. :))

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"Kahit ngayon lang. Kahit ilang minutes lang.. Kahit sandali lang."
--Anonymous ♥
Thank you.. :)

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F R I D A Y
Just a day, just an ordinary day. Hahaha. Really. :)) Family celebration will be on Sunday, soo. Ayos lang. Haha. We had a quiz in Programming (COE113) on my birthday. Ugh.. that's basically it. o_o

[ TO HERE ]

Despite the ordinary-ness of my birthday, ANG DAMI DAMI DAMI kong narealize. (Dami lang pala) haha. Di pala sa dami, I mean, MAJOR realizations talaga.

O N E
I realized how "kulang" I am. Not because there's something missing in my life, but because I've been missing out on a lot of things pala. 19 years have passed and nothing has changed. I'm still me, that's good, yes, but I'm still me, even in the negative side.

I'm still the immature, close-minded, selfish, imaptient, (the list goes on..) girl that I am.
I dunno, parang I just woke up, and I feel like I want to be a better than what I am now. Better, in the aspect of personality.


T W O
Another thing that makes me "kulang" is that I feel comfortable suppressing myself in my own world. Di ako autistic naman no, haha. Yung parang, "this is my world, okay na ko dito. Dyan kayo, dito ako." Parang, I refuse to go out of my comfort zone for whatever reason. Baka mareject ako, baka sabihin ganito ganyan. I think it's time I open up a little more.


T H R E E
The idea of love and relationships has always been a serious matter for me. It's one area of my life I can't just brush off. I'm afraid of ending up lonely, and that's probably why it's been a big deal. But I just realized, the thought of a "we" has been consuming all of me too much, to the point that I feel incomplete everytime love falls apart. It has always been "Me + [insert name here]"

Si Tin-- yung may crush kay [insert someone here].
Si Tin-- yung crush ni [insert someone here].
Si Tin-- yung girlfriend ni [insert someone here].
Si Tin-- yung inlove kay [insert someone here].

Pano pag nawala yung mga kasunod? Si Tin --- ...
I realized how incomplete I am pag ako lang mag-isa. WAIT. My point is, I've been preoccupied with all of these too much, that I neglected building up what I am individually.

What are the things I want personally -- dahil lang gusto KO yun, hindi dahil gusto ng crush ko o ng boyfriend ko.

You get my point? Gusto ko naman muna maging kumpleto mag-isa ko.

Gusto ko kaya kong sabihin, "ay favourite ko to, ay gusto ko to, ay magaling ako dito, ay ito yung type ko, ayaw ko nun, baduy yun" ng ako lang nag-influence sa sarili ko na ayawan o gustuhin yun. :)

Tin is Tin with or without someone. Gagawin ko muna yun. :D


F O U R
You came back for me. :) Hindi ka talaga bumitaw actually. I was trying my best to move on, and make you see na kaya kong wala ka, pero ikaw hindi. You kept everything. Thank you. ♥ I know things are complicated right now, ayoko na nga lang isipin eh.

But one things for sure, I'm just glad you're still around. I'm glad we're okay. :)


F I V E
(sorry if this part seems to be a hate post.)
Narealize ko na may taong napakasama pala talaga ng ugali. I've seen in TV na may guys who take advantage of girls, but di ko talaga ineexpect na you were an actual proof of this. Grabe ang kapal kapal ng muka mo. Anong tingin mo sakin, konting landi lang bibigay sayo? KAPAL MO PO. Pogi ka? Pogi ka ha? Tapon kita sa dagat ng basura eh. I may be nice to you, sige. Oo sige, I liked you, pero ang kapal naman ng muka mo para gumanyan. Napaka-user mo e? Tanong ka ng tanong kanino ako galit? SAYO. SAYO PO TALAGA. All this time, sinungaling ka lang. Lies. Yung buong pagmumuka mo, puno ng kasinungalingan. Fake. IKAW = FAKE. Sorry pero ito ang pinaka wrong move na nagawa mo all your life. Wag na wag mokong kakausapin. DI KITA GUSTO, HEH!

You know what makes me so angry? The fact na mukha akong "I need help, ay si Tin! Landiin ko lang to ng konti, gagawin nya na to." and it's so easy for you, kasi alam mong papatol ako. Ako naman tanga, pumatol nga. WHAT THE HELL. Ano bang problema mo sa buhay mo? Napakababa naman ng tingin mo sakin, boi. Excuse me nagkakamali ka. Whatever I did para matulungan ka, LAST NA YON AMP. Wala ka ng maeexpect na kahit ano sakin. I don't even want to be friends, kapal ng muka mo! :

I know it's wrong to hate.. Pero grabe talaga eh. I HATE YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

Whew. Sorry sa hate post. @_@

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ANYWAAAY. Di man ako nagcelebrate, pero nagcelebrate naman ang utak ko sa lahat ng narealize ko. So yes. Happy birthday to meeee. :))