Waiting

In only one occasion, I try to speak to your heart. But in a game like this one, I only get one start. I know I need my finish, I'm gonna wait til it's time.

How many times do you have to meet the wrong girl, to know that I'm on your side?

I keep waiting, hiding, masquerading. Til your love starts changing, looking for somebody like me to love. Cause in difference, shouldn't spark your interest.

They don't want your mind like rain and spring time, like I do.

I wanna tell you so badly, I wanna quit and give in. But hypothetical questions, they pose awkward situations. And all the fellows that said things, they never meant them at all. I just wanna be there, I'm on-call.. not that you need me at all.

It's not about sweet talk, It's not about superficiality. It's not about me, it's all about you and what you want to do.

If you want to wait, then we're gonna wait. I'm not gonna make mistakes, I'm with you.
I keep waiting, hiding, masquerading. Til your love starts changing, looking for somebody like me to love. Cause in difference, shouldn't spark your interest.

They don't want your mind like rain and spring time, like I do.

They don't want you, like I do. ♥

Pathetic as I may sound, but..

I just became your number one fan. ♥

I really want to say more, but I can't. Haha.

:D

I've been feeling happy lately. Yay haha. At dahil dun, magkkwento nlng ako.

It's been 2 months, after everything that happened, how am I? Now, I can honestly say, I'm okay. No, I'm not okay, I'm great! :)) Hahaha! I feel happy. No anger, no bitterness, nothing.

I used to think that being bitter is the easiest way to get over something, but I was wrong. Hindi ka pala makakaget over unless you let go of all anger and bitterness. Lalo lang tatagal yung pag-get over mo, unless you let go of it. And that's also why I'm okay now. :D


So ano na nga bang meron?

Wala. Haha, wala, pero masaya ako. Swear. Natutuwa ako with everything I have right now, friends who have been there all along, di ko lang napapansin. :3

Chka ewan, ang saya ng feeling na, you see everybody as someone to care for, pero not romantically. Yung parang, alam mong, may care and love, pero love as pure friends. Ngayon ko lang napprove na pwede pala yon, kahit lalake pa sila. :)

Loooveeeee youuuu guyssss >:D<

Heart to heart talks, opening up, late night texts = Friends? DEFINITELY YES. :)


BUT ON THE DOWN SIDE.. >_>
Shempre di lahat ng tao, gusto mo friends lng. HAHHAAHAHAHAH. :))

Shempre iba ka parin. :3

Sayang sayang sayang.

Sa isang situation, sa isang moment, kelan mo ba masasabi kung sino dapat ang kumilos, lalake o babae?

Pag babae ang kumilos, ganito ang maiisip. Pag lalake naman, ganito naman.

Tama bang pinalampas ko yun?

ANDUN NA KASE! :))

Tama bang pinalampas ko pa? Hahaha. Sayang.

Maulit pa kaya yon? Huhuhu.

Hay, sa graduation talaga. Konting panahon nalang. :)

Galing mo pala. :P

No, these posts are not for you.

Iba kasi :))

I'm back to where I started II

Andito nanaman ako. Di naman ako nawala kahit kelan eh. Ako parin to. :)

Pero hindi na nga lang katulad ng dati. Hindi na ko makikipaglaban.

Basta andito lang ako. Di ako aalis. Wala akong gagawin, wala akong sasabihin. Hindi mo man ako maramdaman, pero basta andito lang ako. :)

Gusto parin kita, pero hindi ko na ilalaban.

Kaya ko naman lumaban eh, alam mo yun? Pero wala ng nagbibigay sakin ng dahilan para lumaban. Kaya kong makipagsabayan sa kahit sinong dadating. Kaya kong makipagsabayan para mapatunayan ko lang na gusto kita. Para mapatunayan na di ako mawawala ng ganun ganun kagaya nila. Para mapatunayan na andito lang ako. Para mapatunayan na kahit lahat sila iwanan ka na, ako hindi talaga.

Pero sa paulit-ulit na nangyayare ang mga bagay bagay na pinapamuka saken na wala nang hope, siguro nga, it pauses here.

Pause? Bat pause?

Shempre, kasi andito padin ako. Di naman ako mawawala kahit kelan eh. :) Kahit pa maubos lahat ng taong naniniwala sayo, meron at meron parin isang matitira.

How many times do you have to meet the wrong giiiirrrrl. HAHA. Joke, feeling right girl? HAHAHAHAHA. Pero sige lang.

Tapos, pag dumating yung araw na nawalan ka na ng pag-asa tas feeling mo wala ka ng kakampi sa mundo, andito parin ako. Isa lang ako, pero full support naman akong andito para sayo. :)

Pag dumating yung time na mafefeel mo na wala ng natitira sayo, andito parin akoooo.
Di ko man masabi ng harap harapan, pero totoo.

I'm back to where I started.

I was talking to a friend last night,

Friend: Oh, teka nga, akala ko ba tapos ka na sakanya? Sabi mo.

Tin: Hahaha! Di pa pala kita nakkwentuhan no? Pero hindi tlga, [censored]. Ewan ko ba. Kahit sabihin ko sa sarili ko na ayoko na tapos na ko? Di parin talaga. Di parin talaga ako tapos.. Argghh. Kasi di ko parin talaga maalis sa sarili ko na gusto ko siya.

I don't know what it is that's making me fall for you over and over, but it never fails to get me everytime. I'm back to where I started. I'm finding myself falling for every little thing that makes you who you are.

Balibaliktarin mo man lahat ng nangyare, alisin mo lahat ng mga taong nagsasalita sa paligid, ikaw parin talaga. Ewan ko ba sakin. :)) HAHA. Andito naman kasi ako kung sansan ka pa tumitingin. :))

For me, you’ll always be worth it..

Always. ♥

Yes.

"Ang trahedya ng buhay ko? hindi ako nagkaroon ng kapangyarihang makapagsabi ng tamang bagay sa tamang tao sa tamang panahon"

--Bob Ong

You know I'd still go for you, even when everybody thinks you're not worth it. ♥

@_@

Best advice I've heard from a guy so far.

Alam mo, dapat dumistansya ka muna sa kanya. Pag niyaya ka sa lakad, wag mo siputin. Pag tinext ka, wag mo sagutin. And then pag hinanap-hanap ka nya, tsaka mo balikan. Pero pag hindi.. you're just being taken for granted.

--D.L.

---
Quoted from a friend. This isn't for me, but this makes a lot of sense.

Love.

Minsan, gumagawa ng paraan ang buong mundo para isampal sa muka mo ang mga bagay na magpapagising sayo. Tulad ng mga ganitong bagay.
Akala ko wala na. Akala ko, kung ano na ung tingin ko sa sarili ko, ganun nadin ang tingin ng lahat sakin.

For the past few days, dahil sa haters sa formspring, dahil sa lahat ng mga nangyare sa paligid, feeling ko napakawalang kwenta kong tao seryoso. Parang wala kong nagagawang maganda sa mundo.

Parang ang walang kwenta kong kaibigan, ang walang kwenta kong studyante, ang walang kwenta kong tao. Ako na. @_@ Pero errr.

Di ko ineexpect na sa kinababa baba na ng tingin ko sa sarili ko, may mga tao parin pala na sobrang nagpapahalaga sakin.

"Miss ikaw yan kung tanggap ka ng tao, tao din yon kung di ka tanggap ng tao, hayop yun. Kapag kasama mo kami, wag ka mahiya kasi hinding hindi ka namin imimisjudge"

"Masyado ka kasing nag papadala sa sinasabi ng ibang tao. I mean, sa negative side. Sabihan ka ng ganito, kahit di mo ipakita sa iba, halata parin sayo. Kapag nasabihan ka ng ganito ganto, nag daramdam ka tas ang tagal mong dala dala yon. Diba?"

"Mabilis syang mapamahal sa mga tao. Alam mo ikaw? Pareho lang kau eh. Ang naiba lang sau lahat binibigyan mo ng oras ganu man sila karami."

"Kahit naman anong gawin mo, hindi magbabago tingin ko sayo eh."

Nakakaiyak. :)

Kasi sobrang di ko ineexpect. Feeling ko lahat ng tao inaantay akong gumawa ng bagay na ikakasira ko para ibato nila sakin isa isa lahat ng mali sa buhay ko. At kaya ako ganun kabilis maapektuhan, kase feeling ko sa lahat lahat ng taong papahalagahan ko, isang mali ko lang aalis din sila. Na parang napakahirap para sa kanila na tanggapin ako ng buong buo. PERO DUN AKO NAGKAKAMALI. Kasi hindi pala lahat ng tao ganun. :)

Meron paring mga tao na mas pinapahalagahan ka kesa sa maling mga gagawin mo. Na kahit ano pang maling gawin mo, tanggap ka nila kung ano ka pa. Imbis na talikuran ka nila, mas haharapin ka pa nila para palakasin ka.

Saludo po ako sa mga taong kagaya nyo.

Salamat. Salamat sa lahat ng pag-iintindi, sa pakikinig sa lahat ng mahahabang reklamo ko sa buhay. Sa lahat ng kaemohan ko. Salamat. :) Di ko alam kung pano ko kayo mababayadan o masusuklian lahat ng nagagawa nyo para saken, pero salamat.

Sobrang hindi ako magiging ako, kung wala kayo. Bukod kay God, wala ako sa kinakatayuan ko ngayon kung wala kayo. :)

Hindi ko man napapakita sa araw araw na nakakasama ko kayo, pero sobrang mahal ko kayo. ♥

:)

Isa kayo sa mga nagpapaalala sakin ng mga dahilan para mahalin ko rin naman ang sarili ko. :)

---
Amp naiiyak ako. :)))))

This isn't a hate blog or whatsoever.

Now that the "miss" feeling has faded, I'm back to where I last left off.

I remembered why I stopped liking you.
I remembered everything I didn't like about you.
I remebered why I never bothered to ask if we could try this again..
it's because I didn't want to.

It's because I don't want you back.

What's the point?

Dahil malapit na ang Valentines...

Ewan ko lang. Siguro nagmamature lang yung isip ko. Or maybe it's just a phase I have to go through.. but I know, for sure, I'm making a lot of sense.

I don't know if blogging about this is right, pero ito talaga naiisip ko ngayon eh.

Siguro, umabot lang talaga ako sa point, na napapaisip ako ng "What's the point" tuwing maiisip ko ang bagay na yon.

Ano nga ba yon kasi? Haha.

LoVe PhOuWSz. <3 :))

Love, oo love.

Umabot na ko sa point na natatanong ko sarili ko, "What's the point" when it comes to love and relationship. What's the point, hindi dahil bitter akong tao or whatever. What's the point, kasi sawang sawa na ko sa pointless love na walang pinupuntahan.

THE CYCLE ACCORDING TO US:
Early Months -- texmates 24/7
B: Gawa mo?G: Lalng txt.B: aaah. hmm, kwento ka. üG: Hmm, tngkol san? Ü

5th-6th Month -- The Crucial Month
"Ganon talaga yan, lahat ng relationship dumadaan sa ganyan pag 6 months, yan ang crucial month kase."

"Pag nalampasan nyo yan, magiging mas strong kayo."

9th-12th Month -- The Crucial Month PART 2
"Ito ang second stage ng crucial. Pag ito naman nalampasan nyo, one year na kayo! Mas strong."


So parang kung may manual ang How To Survive Relationships..
----
C H A P T E R 1
STEP1. Be Txtmates/Classmates/Y!Mmates/FBmates/Plurkmates/Multiplymates
STEP2. Survive Crucial Month part 1.
STEP3. Survive Crucial Month part 2.
STEP4. Repeat steps 1-3.
*if by any chance you fail on step 2, proceed to chapter2

C H A P T E R 2
STEP1. Let go.
STEP2. Chumane para makalimot.
STEP3. Move on.
STEP4. Sumidestep sa chinachane.

C H A P T E R 3
*repeat Chapter 1 then proceed to Chapter 2.

----
Nakakapagod na po. Di naman ako bitter sa buhay, noh. Kaso nga lang, parang dumating na ko sa point na maiisip mo talaga na, "Hindi ka ba napapagod kakaganyan mo?"

Try-Fail-PiliBago-TryAgain

Paulit ulit nalang.

Pwede bang wag nalang sumubok? Ganon ba yon, trial and error? Since when did relationships become a trial and error thing?

Nabasa ko sa book, (I Kissed Dating Goodbye) dati raw, hindi daw nagiging intimately close ang isang lalake at babae, unless they're planning to marry. OA, oo. Pero come to think of it, it's making a lot of sense.

HM. Medyo di ko rin mailabas ung point ko, hahahaha. Labo, tagal ko na kasi di nagbblog e. Di na ko sanay. :

Di ko sinasabing ayaw ko ng relationship. Di rin ako anti-love. In fact, I want a relationship. I want someone to love. Sino bang may ayaw di ba?

But if everything is just for the heck of it, WHAT'S THE POINT? Why jump into a relationship if you have no plans of being serious about it. (Serious, meaning, this is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with)

Pano mo nga naman malalaman kung siya nga yung gusto mo makasama habang buhay kung di mo siya kikilalanin? Bakit, di ba pwedeng magkakilala ng walang halong landian o ligawan?

Pwede bang maging magkakilalang magkakilala muna bago tatalon sa konklusyon na aylabyu?

If not in marriage, at least for the idea and desire that this is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Kahit dun nalang. Kung hindi rin lang ganon ang nararamdaman mo, para san pa? Ano yun, palipas oras? :))

I like you. I like you too. I'm falling inlove with you. I'm inlove with you. I love you. I love you too. We'll make this work. You're not what I thought you were. I thought I loved you. I fell out. Goodbye.

I know love needs a lot of work and effort, para mag work out. I know. But that isn't my point.
Di ka ba napapagod sa paikot ikot na cycle? Infatuations, puro nalang ganon. Inlove. Being inlove is so different than love.

I'm tired of it already. I want the real thing. I don't want a relationship just for the heck of it.
Pagod na ko, magtrial and error. :))

---

Napagdesisyonan ko, na mag-antay. :)
Hay, GB. Asan ka ba. :)))))
*GB = God's Best (God's intended partner for you)

---
Let me quote what an old classmate once said.

"I want a lifetime partner, not a past time lover."
--Old Classmate

Stop pretending.

Magpakatotoo ka, panindigan mo lahat ng sinasabi mo. Kung ayaw mo, ayaw mo. Bago ka bumato, tignan mo muna sarili mo. Kasi baka yung ibabato mo, kasama rin sayo. Parang sinasaksak mo rin kasi sarili mo sa lagay na yan eh. Bago ka magsalita, tignan mo muna kasi sarili mo.

And I bet you'll think this post is about you.
Di lahat ng bagay sa mundo umiikot sayo.

Birthday :)

Yesterday was my birthday. Not much of a big deal, 'cause it was just like just any other ordinary day. (Emo? Haha) But, yesterday was one of the most meaningful birthdays I ever had. I realized A LOT of things.. Things that you just can't brush off anymore.

Kkwento ko muna how my day went before those things I realized. HAHA. You can skip this part if you want. :))

[ YOU CAN SKIP FROM HERE ]

T H U R S D A Y
I had a post birthday celebration with some of my friends (Sandy, Rella, Dar, Kim). I couldn't invite more people cause I didn't have much budget. Pulubi pfoez! :)) Anyway, we had lunch at Shakey's España. We were supposed to be there at 12, kaso NAPAKABAGAL MALIGO ni Dar at Kim. 3PM class ko, and our prof locks the door at exactly 3:15, so we had to leave early. Anyway, the lunch was fun. Yay for food. Food is always fun, haha! I also had free ice cream, thank you Shakey's! I didn't know they give free ice cream to birthday celebrants. Coool. :P Thanks guyss for spending your afternoon with me. It really mad me happy. I was AWFULLY quiet, (sorry) but I was really happy. :)) Swear. Haha.

Sandy also gave me 2 Joshua Harris Books: I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl -- THANK YOUU BEBEGURRLLLL :* Huhuhu gusto ko na talaga basahin to e. :))

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"Kahit ngayon lang. Kahit ilang minutes lang.. Kahit sandali lang."
--Anonymous ♥
Thank you.. :)

---

F R I D A Y
Just a day, just an ordinary day. Hahaha. Really. :)) Family celebration will be on Sunday, soo. Ayos lang. Haha. We had a quiz in Programming (COE113) on my birthday. Ugh.. that's basically it. o_o

[ TO HERE ]

Despite the ordinary-ness of my birthday, ANG DAMI DAMI DAMI kong narealize. (Dami lang pala) haha. Di pala sa dami, I mean, MAJOR realizations talaga.

O N E
I realized how "kulang" I am. Not because there's something missing in my life, but because I've been missing out on a lot of things pala. 19 years have passed and nothing has changed. I'm still me, that's good, yes, but I'm still me, even in the negative side.

I'm still the immature, close-minded, selfish, imaptient, (the list goes on..) girl that I am.
I dunno, parang I just woke up, and I feel like I want to be a better than what I am now. Better, in the aspect of personality.


T W O
Another thing that makes me "kulang" is that I feel comfortable suppressing myself in my own world. Di ako autistic naman no, haha. Yung parang, "this is my world, okay na ko dito. Dyan kayo, dito ako." Parang, I refuse to go out of my comfort zone for whatever reason. Baka mareject ako, baka sabihin ganito ganyan. I think it's time I open up a little more.


T H R E E
The idea of love and relationships has always been a serious matter for me. It's one area of my life I can't just brush off. I'm afraid of ending up lonely, and that's probably why it's been a big deal. But I just realized, the thought of a "we" has been consuming all of me too much, to the point that I feel incomplete everytime love falls apart. It has always been "Me + [insert name here]"

Si Tin-- yung may crush kay [insert someone here].
Si Tin-- yung crush ni [insert someone here].
Si Tin-- yung girlfriend ni [insert someone here].
Si Tin-- yung inlove kay [insert someone here].

Pano pag nawala yung mga kasunod? Si Tin --- ...
I realized how incomplete I am pag ako lang mag-isa. WAIT. My point is, I've been preoccupied with all of these too much, that I neglected building up what I am individually.

What are the things I want personally -- dahil lang gusto KO yun, hindi dahil gusto ng crush ko o ng boyfriend ko.

You get my point? Gusto ko naman muna maging kumpleto mag-isa ko.

Gusto ko kaya kong sabihin, "ay favourite ko to, ay gusto ko to, ay magaling ako dito, ay ito yung type ko, ayaw ko nun, baduy yun" ng ako lang nag-influence sa sarili ko na ayawan o gustuhin yun. :)

Tin is Tin with or without someone. Gagawin ko muna yun. :D


F O U R
You came back for me. :) Hindi ka talaga bumitaw actually. I was trying my best to move on, and make you see na kaya kong wala ka, pero ikaw hindi. You kept everything. Thank you. ♥ I know things are complicated right now, ayoko na nga lang isipin eh.

But one things for sure, I'm just glad you're still around. I'm glad we're okay. :)


F I V E
(sorry if this part seems to be a hate post.)
Narealize ko na may taong napakasama pala talaga ng ugali. I've seen in TV na may guys who take advantage of girls, but di ko talaga ineexpect na you were an actual proof of this. Grabe ang kapal kapal ng muka mo. Anong tingin mo sakin, konting landi lang bibigay sayo? KAPAL MO PO. Pogi ka? Pogi ka ha? Tapon kita sa dagat ng basura eh. I may be nice to you, sige. Oo sige, I liked you, pero ang kapal naman ng muka mo para gumanyan. Napaka-user mo e? Tanong ka ng tanong kanino ako galit? SAYO. SAYO PO TALAGA. All this time, sinungaling ka lang. Lies. Yung buong pagmumuka mo, puno ng kasinungalingan. Fake. IKAW = FAKE. Sorry pero ito ang pinaka wrong move na nagawa mo all your life. Wag na wag mokong kakausapin. DI KITA GUSTO, HEH!

You know what makes me so angry? The fact na mukha akong "I need help, ay si Tin! Landiin ko lang to ng konti, gagawin nya na to." and it's so easy for you, kasi alam mong papatol ako. Ako naman tanga, pumatol nga. WHAT THE HELL. Ano bang problema mo sa buhay mo? Napakababa naman ng tingin mo sakin, boi. Excuse me nagkakamali ka. Whatever I did para matulungan ka, LAST NA YON AMP. Wala ka ng maeexpect na kahit ano sakin. I don't even want to be friends, kapal ng muka mo! :

I know it's wrong to hate.. Pero grabe talaga eh. I HATE YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

Whew. Sorry sa hate post. @_@

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ANYWAAAY. Di man ako nagcelebrate, pero nagcelebrate naman ang utak ko sa lahat ng narealize ko. So yes. Happy birthday to meeee. :))