Unspoken Definites: Insignificantly Significant

Man, I can't believe I forgot.

I lost sight of what used to blow me away. I lost track of how amazing You were, and how grand your love for me, for us, is. --and you never stopped loving, even after everything.

You know I used to be this kid who stood in awe of everything about You. I wow-ed at everything you do, I cried at every moment you touched my heart, I was amazed by what You are.

But as I moved further on, I seemed to have become less and less aware of You to the point that I sometimes don't feel you anymore, even if I want to. What happened? You were silent, You were distant, I couldn't reach you anymore.

Maybe I wasn't in the right place anymore. I didn't deserve to either hear from you or feel you. Not anymore. Not like how I used to be.

I came from school earlier. It was just a normal day, except for the fact that I went there only for a meeting. It was fine. I wanted to go out anyway. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I walked with a friend on the way, bought a couple of stuff, and finally went home. Nothing special.

When I got home, I was waiting for Kim's text, but I guess he fell asleep or something, haha. So anyway, I went online to check some stuff, and of course to play. None of the usual friends I talk to are online, so I just played RO. I needed to hunt stuff for my wings, lol. Aaaand, Ginnil PM'ed me.

Little did I know, I was about to be blown away.

We talked about how she doesn't seem like a church person, and I told her that it wasn't really about how people see you. Of course it comes in later on, but what really matters is what's between you and God.

It's between you and God.

So, I dunno what came over me. I started talking about this amazing video I once saw at church. The video that made me cry. I was like, "I remember how this made me cry. I remember feeling God touching my heart. I want to share this." And so I did.

I was surprised that someone had uploaded it in youtube already. Good thing! :)

If you want to check it out, here are the links.

IDESCRIBABLE - LOUIE GIGLIO
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Yes, it's the Indescribable video. I remember watching this in Jzone. :)

So she watched it.

At the back of my mind, there was a battle of thoughts, as usual. :)) It was like two people were talking.

1: She's watching it, bat di mo din panoorin?

2: Nge, napanood ko na kaya yon.

1: So?

2: So? Edi wala. Alam ko na kaya yon.

1: Masama bang manood ulit?

2: Hindi.. Okfinewhynot.

Aaand I watched it again. For the third time. And it didn't fail to bring me to tears.

HOW COULD I FORGET.

Here I was talking to God like, "I may not be in the right place to talk to You now..." but all this time that I thought that He was silent and distant, He was right there all along.
He wasn't silent. I wasn't listening.
He wasn't distant. I was building a gap between us.
I couldn't feel Him near, because I wasn't sensitive enough.

The world was making me think that because I "this", God loves me less now.

BUT I WAS SO, SO WRONG.

Funny thing is I already knew this. I even remember writing this down in a journal before.
"There is no place that God's grace cannot reach you."--Aoo Felipe

I was so wrong to think less of You. I was lowering You down into my level. I forgot how BIG a God You are. :3
He loves you, period. No more, no less.